A few nights ago, I went to play Pokeno with some girls.... and a dude.
Now, before I go on, I want it known to all that I have no personal issue with "this dude." I really don't.
However, there were a few parts of this night that were just flat-out inappropriate.
He is a long-time friend of the hostess and another gal that was there. There were a total of 9 people..... 8 women (all married) and "this dude," who is unmarried.
First off, the evening was a bit awkward, and usually it is not. We girls could not act as we normally would because we were in mixed company. During the evening, it was brought up that "this dude" gives good neck rubs. That being said, after each break, "this dude" got up to "treat" the gals with a quick shoulder rub.
Stop right there.
This guy was rubbing the necks and shoulders of these married women.... women he was JUST meeting.
This is where the title of my post comes into play....
NEVER RUB ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB!
The hostess' hubby came in at the end of the evening. I don't think he was happy with the fact that a) "this dude" was attending a girls' night and b) "this dude" was pawing after the ladies.
The whole time I was thinking "WWHD?" (Remember? "What would hubby do?") OR, better yet, what would I do if the situation was reversed?
If my hubby went to play poker with the guys, would I want another girl rubbin' on him? NO! Further, I wouldn't even want another gal there! Keep in mind, I'm not really the jealous type. Wait... I'm totally the jealous type, but within reason. I don't mind when hubby talks to other girls. I have some good friends who will hug hubby upon greeting. I don't mind that either. But, a neck rub? A back rub? NO WAY!!! That action, in and of itself, it too intimate to be passed around with abandon.
Am I against paying for massages? No.... I'm not. That is different. There is a mental separation that exists between therapist and client. Just like I don't think it is a problem for a woman to see a male OB/GYN. Just because I let him check out all my biz doesn't mean that there is any type of emotional event taking place.
But, in this setting, any type of rubbing or massaging is just not right. I felt a heavy conviction in my spirit. Honestly, it wasn't against "this dude" being there. It was just bad timing for him to be there. Had it been a dinner party with other guys, it would have been different.
Well, we finally got to my turn for the shoulder rub. I told him, "No thanks." It felt wrong. It looked wrong. It WAS wrong.
NEVER RUB ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB!
Here are some things that should be considered.
~ If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? I knew that if a gal rubbed on my hubby, I would have a problem with it.
~ What would have happened had hubby been there? I do not honestly feel, had all the spouses been there, that "this dude" would have commenced pawing at all the women. I mean, isn't there some sort of code with the guys saying that a man shouldn't rub on another man's honey?
OH WAIT..... THERE IS!!!
NEVER RUB ANOTHER MAN'S RHUBARB!!!
Just be considerate. This has nothing to do with cheating. It is mostly appearance. And yes, appearances DO matter. I would not do anything to deliberately hurt my hubby, or put my marriage into jeopardy. When I go out on a girls' night, I want my hubby to trust me. It is important to me that I have his trust.
Some might claim that you just never know how you will react until you are in that situation. On one hand, that might be true if you are just absolutely clueless to human nature. On the other hand? That is a crock of BS! It is an absolute cop out! You get pulled over for a hit-and-run and you say, "Officer, I didn't know what to do when faced with the situation. I always thought I would stop, but man... just kinda lost my brain there for a bit. Sorry." Really? Oh my word!
You make the decision NOW to preserve and protect the sanctity of your relationship.
So, not such a stellar day at my house. Far from it.
I don't have many horrible days, but every now and again, it happens... like on this day.
Well, my hubby flew out today and usually that brings a measure of..... um.... adjustment. During this time, the kids usually misbehave a bit... they are quite a bit more high strung. They argue and talk back. And, since I know this, I am usually prepared.
Today? Was no different until..... soccer practice.
We are all going to be incredibly busy this fall. Oldest is in band 5 days a week, Karate twice a week and guitar once a week. Number 2 and 3 are in piano once a week and soccer once a week (with games on Saturday.) My youngest has soccer once a week with games on Saturday. AND, they are all in JBQ and have to practice nightly, meet as a team on Sundays and have competitions once a month.
I am not asking for kudos. It will be tough, but doable... as long as the boys cooperate.
Well, during #3's first practice of the season, he fell and was embarrassed. Totally self-inflicted as nobody said anything except, "Hop up!" After giving the obligatory pep talk, he ran back out. Then, coach told everyone to get a drink. It seems that the water was not cool enough for his liking. So, he started crying. And during these tears, there was a lot of snot... gross, I know, but that is how much he cried. I was told that he hated me and never wanted to play soccer. I don't just shove kids in extra-curricular activities. Time and money don't allow just putting a kid in something.
He then said he was tired. He wasn't going to play. He wishes I wasn't in his family.... on and on it went for 40 minutes when I finally decided to leave.
I was angry and embarrassed and I'm still having trouble. (Fortunately, I found a bag of Hershey's Kisses and they are being utilized as a salve for my wounded heart.)
The child obviously has to be punished. I do NOT play that. So...
--because he is tired, he is in bed (by 3:30.)
--because he said he hated me, he got 3 swats.
--because he didn't practice, he is grounded from all electronics through tomorrow.
--should he choose to not practice/play, he will be grounded from all electronics until the end of soccer season. Further, he has to repay his entry fee of $55. For a little guy who only gets $5/week... this is a big deal.
Part of my feels like this is cruel. However, I asked myself "WWHD?" ("What would hubby do?") I think he will approve.
After the swats, and before bedtime, I sat and spoke to #3 about all this. I made sure he understood. (Granted, he didn't hear me when I was hissing all the threats while at the field, as he was crying so much.) Later, I know he understood as he was asking questions about how he could avoid said punishments.
So, here is hoping that he begins to practice and avoids the remainder of the consequences.
I'm a full-time mom to 4 wonderful boys ages 16, 14, 12 and 10. My sweet hubby, who happens to be my best friend, is a pilot. We have been married for 24 years, but have known each other since 1st grade. I was a middle school math teacher, but began staying home with the birth of my 4th child. After being home for 8 years, I went back into teaching. I currently teach 4th grade math.