OK. I've been looking at all the stuff around me. I have so much to be thankful for. It is so easy to be "warm and fuzzy" when thinking about this. The whole "healthy family, happy home" idea is wonderful and I'm TRULY thankful for that. But, I am a "gifts" person. THINGS are important to me. I know...that is not PC, nor does it sound nice coming from a person like me, but there it is. I'm a material girl. The point of this blog entry is this: I only want to brag about my connections. AND, I want to RUB IT IN!!!!
I know you don't know this, but I have all of the following AT MY FINGERTIPS! All of this has come, via my email, within the last 4 hours. I don't know if any of you could get so many wonderful opportunities so quickly. I have been thinking about all the people I know...I just don't think they have what it takes to be selected for such blessings. Nope, they can't do it. All I know is that my reputation must be such that all these "people" are courting me. SO, read 'em and weep. I know you're jealous.
1. I am able to see some pictures of "singles" in my area...I'll bet they're "purty!"
2. My "secret lover" has left me MULTIPLE messages...he (or she) is almost like a stalker - leaving messages DAILY!
3. If I want to become a police officer, I have been sent an official link to become one...me with a gun...a BIG gun...I like that.
4. I could get $500 in Burger King Burger Bucks! (Of course, if I do that, I might not have a secret lover anymore.
5. Walmart apparently has a shipment ready for me....I just have to go through pages of "free offers" and apply for a credit card to get it sent out right away.
6. I could have the holiday of my dreams...as soon as I qualify for a loan.
7. Somebody is obviously thinking he (or she) is "Juicy" enough to send me a picture..."Juicy".....hmmmmmm....how does a person look "juicy?"
8. If I have bad credit, it is OK, but I am rewarded if I have good credit...I'm so relieved.
9. OH, and get this, I can "Fly on American Airlines, On Us." What does that mean? Of course it's "on" them. LOL!
10. I can get $1500 in my bank account in "ONE HOUR"...and I'll bet dollars to donuts I could get it OUT of my account in MUCH less time.
11. There are more people out there sending me pictures...and they will make me sweat! Um...no thanks...I don't DO sweat. ICK.
12. This is interesting: "Two Sneakers, One Challenge, Your Choice." Well, I can see that - assuming I don't know left from right. There is your challenge right there, then it's a 50/50 shot, right?
13. I can be in demand and advance my career. Well, let me tell you something, as a SAHM of 4 boys (not to mention the local sex goddess of the estate)...I AM in demand!
14. Dish Network has all the products and services I want. I will sign up (with the $1500 in my account) as soon as they show me which laundry service they will provide for me.
15. Am I looking for a nice jewelry present? SHAH!!!!!
So there you have it. Are you jealous now? I knew you would be. Although your holidays will OBVIOUSLY not be as wonderful as mine, please feel free to live vicariously through me.
So, I did a google for "cornucopia" for my last blog. (scroll down to see the beauty of the "horn o' plenty" I got.)
Anyway, SOMEHOW, I got this with it. Following are a few excerpts of the several posts I read:
"Many people have tried to stop or limit the use of particle accelerators for fear of the destruction of earth and possibly the universe which would be predicted to happen within seconds."
"1. Black holes are possible at energies <10TeV 2. An extremely finely tuned collision to create a gravitationally bound black hole 3. No Hawking radiation 4. The black hole colliding with many many many times more particles than the average weakly interacting object (like a neutrino) would in order for the Earth to be destroyed by the black hole before the Sun dies in 5 billion years."
"If there is no Hawking evaporation then if a black hole was to be created it would start going to the center of earth, in the process slowing down due to the interaction of matter, it would then rest at the gravitation center of earth, where more mini black holes could combine. The pressure on the black holes would then make them get larger. This would be similar to the neutron starts except much slower growth rate."
I have, in the past, thought myself relatively intelligent.
That alone is enough for a full post, but I feel you might get some sick enjoyment from my suffering, so here I go talking about trauma.
We first suspected a mouse....heck, we KNEW there was a mouse when my hubby saw it. It ran from the hallway into the boys' bathroom into a gap between the baseboard and tile. I immediately jumped into action and scoured the bathroom. I mean...EWWWW! My babies are in there. I needed the hard stuff. So I started to reach for the Clorox.
Alas, my tried and true cleaning friend is not allowed in my house because we have a septic system. It seems that Clorox eats whatever does not need to be eaten in a septic system. Next cleaning buddy on my list...Lysol!
SO, with tons of liquid Lysol, hot water and soap, I scrubbed every surface of that bathroom. I then wiped down every surface with Clorox wipes :)
I had pushed red pepper into the crack, in hopes that the critter would go away. He did...right into MY bathroom. Now that, my friends, is SERIOUS!!!! My hubby left just hours after seeing this fanged monster run into and disappear from my bathroom. He, being the great white hunter, had to go sight in his guns for his trip to hunt REAL game. Meanwhile, I was contemplating moving!
I had a phone call to make. When we have to make phone calls, and we are the only parent in the house, we have to go through a little ritual that allows us to hear and speak clearly on the phone. We make sure the door to the outside is locked (with the chain), then we lock ourselves in the master bedroom. Since kids follow that far and bang on the door, whilst yelling "OPEN THE DOOOOOOOOR!" we go into the back bathroom and shut THAT door. We sit on the throne (lid down) and have our conversation.
SO, here I go. I begin dialing. I get through the first 3 numbers, check the chain, dial and walk, lock the door, dial and walk, shut the door, finish dialing, sit down, something catches my eye......
Now keep in mind that there is NO WAY you can understand how I feel, or my surprise, to see this furry beast spring into a spasmodic fury to jump over the edge of the tub, that he somehow got himself trapped in. My first reaction, naturally, was to scream and run out. It wasn't a dainty little squeak that some might mistake for a small, ladylike sneeze. It was a scream! The words "blood" and "curdle" can come into play here. The audience that is outside the door yelling "OPEN THE DOOOOOOOOR!" starts yelling "WHA'S WRONG, MOM MOM? OPEN THE DOOOOOOOOR!"
I hang up on whomever might have been on the phone and call my hubby. Remember, he is at a gun range...about 1 hour away.
"YOU HAVE TO COME HOME!"
"I can't. I just got here. What's wrong?"
"YOU HAVE TO COME HOME!" (tears were added...not for sympathy, but from hysterics.)
Needless to say, he did NOT come home. It was now up to me to defend my home and my family from this small, yet potent killer carrying goodness knows what kind of disease and germs. AND...HE POOPED IN MY TUB!
First....plug the drain. I don't know how the vermin got into my tub. Can it come up the pipes? Well, it can get down. I grabbed the toilet brush to knock it closed. This caused further craziness from "Mickey" as he tried to jump over...no doubt to run up my leg and head straight for my jugular! I could see the menacing look of a cold-blooded killer.
I briefly thought of burning down the house. Not a good idea.
I did think of turning the trashcan over in hopes of trapping him, but I was afraid that in that fraction of a second, in which I correct my aim, that he would catapult up my arm and claw my eyeballs out...sucking out the juice, thus rendering me blind, and as I'm crying out and bumping into walls blindly, this murderous infestation runs after my innocent babies...hoping to gnaw off their pinkie toes and taking it to his nest for some sort of sacrifice that they consume, all the while thanking their big-eared gods for allowing such a successful coup!
Using hubby's piece of advice, I managed to toss the trap in the tub, obviously hoping he would get hungry with all of the physical exertion he was suffering from. With tear-streaked cheeks and trembling fingers, I lock the door. (STOP LAUGHING! I'm not stupid. I know that the snake bait can't get out the door....I had to lock out the boys.)
A few hours later, I'm calm. The boys keep excitedly asking about the mouse. My hubby finally makes it home. He gives me a little peck, says, "Hello" and is immediately sent to the holding center for this monster with fleas. He comes out and says, "No mouse" to which I calmly reply, "We have to move."
DH was nice enough to clean out my tub and reset the trap. That night, I am awakened by a loud SNAP! I wake up hubby. (How can he be sleeping, anyway? This thing knows where we live. He has probably studied us and knows where we sleep, as well as the best time to rid us of life and limb.) NOTHING! Ooooooo, the sly little devil!
We finally got one. However, my hubby has informed me that where there is one, there are probably others. SO, you won't mind if I get the bleach, right? I tried to get him to get the traps up while he's gone. He left them out. He told me to get some gloves and a bag and just go from floor to sack, throwing away the trap which contains the victim. WHATEVER!
I think it will be worth a couple of bucks for one of my kids, dressed in a body condom, of course, to dispose of it properly.
If "Mickey" does have a family...they are going DOWN!!!!!!
I'm a full-time mom to 4 wonderful boys ages 16, 14, 12 and 10. My sweet hubby, who happens to be my best friend, is a pilot. We have been married for 24 years, but have known each other since 1st grade. I was a middle school math teacher, but began staying home with the birth of my 4th child. After being home for 8 years, I went back into teaching. I currently teach 4th grade math.