I now know how a ref, who makes a bad call, feels.
I did that this past Saturday.
Or, at least I think I did.
This past weekend was our District competition for JBQ. And IT WAS BRUTAL!
I sometimes quiz master. This weekend, I wasn't supposed to, "unless absolutely necessary."
Well, it came down to that.
I had been warned, several years ago, before I started to QM, that I needed a tough skin. That I would, most likely, make someone mad, and/or hurt the feelings of a child. I can handle that.
I can handle that.
SO.....with that in mind, put yourself into a game.....a very *high stakes* game.
A game that involved my team.
Now, when I QM for my team, I want it to be clear to all that I WILL NOT show favoritism. Perhaps I tried too hard.
There was a question....a 30-point question. The other team got to it first. It was a long quote. Quotes must be exact. This child has a speech issue....well, no. Not really. He just does not speak clearly. However, I am familiar with this quizzer, so I am prepared.
There was a word that ends with an "s."
I heard it.
No I didn't.
Maybe I did.
.... HEY....go to my judges. That is what they are there for. I go to judges. They both vote FOR the quizzer....that it is correct.
We go on. *My* quizzers are spittin' mad because they heard what I heard.....or didn't.....or might have.
We lost that round.
You guessed it.
We would have won, had I ruled differently.
On the one hand, had it been 2 other teams, I wouldn't have given it another thought. But, it wasn't 2 other teams. One of them was MY team.
I have spent many hours, since then, physically sick about it all.
Did it make a difference in who is going to Regionals?
I was so upset, immediately after, that I was crying and ended up NOT QM'ing for the rest of the day.
Those who know me know that I don't cry so easily over such a thing. I know the rules. AND, if I do say so myself, given all the other QMs, I am probably in the top 10% of the *better* QMs.
Before you judge me for shirking my responsibilities, let me explain.
First, I was not supposed to QM that day. I was supposed to travel with my team as "page-turner." (Without going into a lot of detail: it is my job to find the question, as it is being answered, and make sure the quotes are answered exactly. You can't argue it, if you can't prove it.) During that horrible round, I fully expected our coach to throw out a judges' ruling and ask for reconsideration based on the fact that he ALSO did not hear an "s" where he should have.....I even paused as long as possible. Then, the chance was gone. When the quizzers asked him why he didn't call it....he said he couldn't get to the question in time.
After tearfully talking to a friend, she gently reminded me that I was supposed to travel with the team that day, and NOT QM. SO....I went to the powers that be and said, "I really need to be with my team." Because, honestly, if I hadn't heard the "s," (as a page-turner) I would have been on it and been able to back it up.
Hind-sight is 20/20. The more I think about it.....the more I torment myself with it....I think I messed up.
Everyone tells me what I would tell someone else in this same situation. The coach. My husband. Even my son (who would have been the one to answer that question correctly, if it would have been thrown to him) have said that they understand.
I have been told:
You have to make a split-second call. That is hard.
Did you change the way you QM because it was our team?
Do you QM differently for us than for other teams?
Did you follow protocol?
I told my husband that the thing that bothers me more than anything is that I feel like I choked.....over-analyzed.....and didn't go with my gut.
I will get over it....eventually. But, I don't want to forget. Wait. I DO want to forget, because it still makes me feel horrible. I hope it makes me a better QM.
Wearing Another's Heart on My Sleeve
11 months ago