CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
Let me describe the scene. I am saying this with an emphasis on the last "crap." My fists are clenched and the tension can be followed up my arms into my shoulders and neck. I have thrown in a foot stomp just to prove my point. I'm not crying, but I don't look very good. And I don't care who knows it.
The thing that REALLY bothers me is that I can't really blog about what is going on. I can just allude to what is happening and trust that you, my discerning reader, will be able to "feel" my frustration. In fact, I can think of 3, possibly 4, readers only, who will know what is going on. In fact, after this, I wouldn't be surprised if one reader's DH calls me for an "AA" meeting. (attitude adjustment)
I have been praying, lately, about what I need to do to "grow" in the Lord. Those of you who don't understand my meaning or desire...well, you need serious prayer yourself...give me a call. Anyway, God has told me, and it has been confirmed, that I need to "butt-out." It seems that, though I have faith in what God CAN do, I have trouble accepting what He WILL do through me. Because of that, this little bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, go-getter is really messin' with HIS plans. So, I have been lovingly told to sit tight and wait to be told to move. When He says "jump," I should ask, "How high?" What do I usually say? "God? Let me go over here and jump...then my landing will be softer."
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! (repeat opening scene)
I read in the Bible about those who struggled in their walks. They overcame great, almost insurmountable, obstacles. They had the faith to move mountains. I have faith to CLIMB mountains...provided I have the right shoes and a bottle of water. That is totally jacked up! In the back of my pea-sized (largely left-sided) brain, I feel that I don't have what it takes to be a warrior for the fight. And what is worse? Today, I don't want to!
I have promised to stick around for a bit. Though there are MANY who could do a much better job than I, I know that it would make it harder on the whole to take the time to find the right fit. I feel beat up. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I want out! I don't know how much more I can take. (I realize that 95% of you have NO clue what I'm talking about...but it's my blog...I can make sense, OR NOT, as I want.)
I have a feeling that my 2 Dr Pepper a day habit is on the rise. Y'all might want to invest in DP stock soon.
Wearing Another's Heart on My Sleeve
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