Wednesday, September 19, 2007

TEMPER TANTRUM

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Let me describe the scene. I am saying this with an emphasis on the last "crap." My fists are clenched and the tension can be followed up my arms into my shoulders and neck. I have thrown in a foot stomp just to prove my point. I'm not crying, but I don't look very good. And I don't care who knows it.

The thing that REALLY bothers me is that I can't really blog about what is going on. I can just allude to what is happening and trust that you, my discerning reader, will be able to "feel" my frustration. In fact, I can think of 3, possibly 4, readers only, who will know what is going on. In fact, after this, I wouldn't be surprised if one reader's DH calls me for an "AA" meeting. (attitude adjustment)

I have been praying, lately, about what I need to do to "grow" in the Lord. Those of you who don't understand my meaning or desire...well, you need serious prayer yourself...give me a call. Anyway, God has told me, and it has been confirmed, that I need to "butt-out." It seems that, though I have faith in what God CAN do, I have trouble accepting what He WILL do through me. Because of that, this little bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, go-getter is really messin' with HIS plans. So, I have been lovingly told to sit tight and wait to be told to move. When He says "jump," I should ask, "How high?" What do I usually say? "God? Let me go over here and jump...then my landing will be softer."

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! (repeat opening scene)

I read in the Bible about those who struggled in their walks. They overcame great, almost insurmountable, obstacles. They had the faith to move mountains. I have faith to CLIMB mountains...provided I have the right shoes and a bottle of water. That is totally jacked up! In the back of my pea-sized (largely left-sided) brain, I feel that I don't have what it takes to be a warrior for the fight. And what is worse? Today, I don't want to!

I have promised to stick around for a bit. Though there are MANY who could do a much better job than I, I know that it would make it harder on the whole to take the time to find the right fit. I feel beat up. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I want out! I don't know how much more I can take. (I realize that 95% of you have NO clue what I'm talking about...but it's my blog...I can make sense, OR NOT, as I want.)

I have a feeling that my 2 Dr Pepper a day habit is on the rise. Y'all might want to invest in DP stock soon.

3 comments:

Claudia said...

{{hugs}}

Mommy Spice said...

Hmmmmm....Do I know what you're talking about? I mean, I know some of the things that are going on in "our" world, but is that what you're talking about. I also know that you and my DH have had some conversations in the past about "stuff". But, you may be talking about something completely different. Hmmmm... If I'm assuming what your talking about is related to something you do on Sundays, I won't tell DH. I know the whole "change" thing. I've been dealing with it too, and I usually handle change well. This change "we're" going through has knocked me for a loop. Whew! Are we talking in "code" or what?

And of course, I could be missing the whole point.

BTW, the family I'm talking about on my blog do not attend our church. They are part of the church where I teach preschool.

Mommy Spice said...

Sniff, sniff, sniff. Your comment on my blog made me cry. I feel the same way. So, since we are not moving, we will HAVE to get together outside of church.