OK. I'm sure this isn't going to be all that interesting. It is more of a download (as my pastor puts it.) I'm just going to dump what has been going on. For a few of you, this will shed some light as to what is going on. Some of you won't care. Some of you will laugh at my psychotic self. Whatever. I just feel I owe it to SOME to KIND OF explain what is happening.
I have had my temper tantrum and other issues because of several things that started happening all at once. And though I love to ACT and THINK like Superwoman, there really is only one word the "S" on my chest stands for...and it ain't "super."
To the outsider looking in, it is no big deal. To me, it is/was huge. To my hubby, he is just glad things are starting to settle a bit. I know I'm driving him crazy. To Mommy Spice, you will totally understand. In fact, it is out of respect for Mommy Spice that I couldn't download sooner. I couldn't "spill the beans" until SHE was allowed to "spill the beans." And that took SO LONG, but my writing here has been a bit therapeutic.
Anyway, if you will look in the column to the right and click on Hunanspice, then read the entry from Saturday, the 22nd, you will see her entry. But, I can give you the Cliff's Notes here. Of course, this will be a skewed, totally selfish point of view.
OK, in a nutshell (of a very large nut).....
My children's pastor is leaving. By children's pastor, I not only mean the pastor for my own children, but the pastor over the children's department of my church. Now what does that mean for me? I DON'T KNOW!!! And that is what is driving me bonkers! (I will warn you now, this post will be selfish and totally about me, so if you want to know how Mommy Spice is feeling, you will have to look at her blog.)
So what I was saying is that my "boss" is leaving. He has been at our church for about 3 years, I guess. He is SO good and his wife is a peach. I just love them both SO MUCH! About two months ago, I had gone in for a meeting (as I did about once a month to touch base and tell him what was going on.) Hmmmmmm.....maybe I need to set that up a bit better. I'm the Director of Christian Education for our church. (Fancy title, huh?) Simply put, I help "manage" our Sunday school department for kinder - 6th grade. I make sure the teachers are in place, have all their supplies, talk with the cherubs who are a little rambunctious, and pray with the teachers should the need arise. Now, I'm honestly not looking for any kudos when I say that I feel inept at a lot of this. It just sets the mood.
I go in for a meeting and, looking back, I know Daddy Spice was going to tell me then, what was going on. However, I was having one of my moments with stress and scheduling stuff. I was dealing with the logistics of getting everything done the way it should be done. And as a good pastor, he listened, offered advice...he even rolled his eyes at me, but I'm not bitter. (heh....that's kind of an inside joke) He never said a word about what was going on with himself. How selfish is that of me? I didn't even ask. (Sadly, that personality trait follows me everywhere.)
So fast forward a few weeks, I go in for another pow-wow...only my dh gets to attend. We talk a bit about what is going on: what I need, what I'm planning...you know, feeling really good about myself...a bit cocky in my post. So then, the bomb drops. He says that he is being "reassigned" (for lack of a better word) and will be leaving our church at the end of September. I told him, "Man, that really blows." YES...I KNOW...I told my pastor that. But it does. (Now, for a bit of trivia, my dh swears that I said "damn." I say I didn't. I haven't been able to guts it up to ask Daddy Spice, so I'll have to ask Mommy Spice to leave a comment when she finds out.)
The whole time (and admittedly to the present) I have been asking, "What about me?" I know...it's not the best thing to ask. It's not empathetic. I'm sorry, but I'm all a-tizzy over it all. Though I know how to do what I've been doing, there was a certain amount of "got your back" that I enjoyed from having him around. AND, I have been getting to know his sweet wife. You know, you get to the point where you think, "AWWWWW, I have a buddy!" Well, now they are leaving! *sniff* When he first told me, devastated was a fairly decent word to describe my feeling. As a matter of fact, most of the directors of the various departments just walked around looking at each other with looks of sadness and uncertainty in their eyes.
BUT, I'm happy to say that I'm doing better and feeling better about it all. I put myself up as a prayer request in my small group this past Sunday. I told them that I didn't know how to do all this without my pastor here. I feel better because (and granted, I knew all this before, just have to keep repeating it) GOD IS IN CONTROL. And hard as it is for me to admit, I DO need to BUTT-OUT!!!
Wearing Another's Heart on My Sleeve
9 months ago