Tuesday, September 09, 2008

FRIENDS


"Friends are for a season."

This tidbit was given to me by my mother when I was pregnant with my 4th child. I was having trouble with a dear friend of mine because she was judgmental...or at least, it seemed to me that she was.

I went through a phase of life thinking that I had lots of true friends. I would pity the person who held the idea that "you are lucky if you have at least 5 really true friends."

Well, I thought I was there. It turns out, though, that I have LOTS of acquaintances and just a few friends. And by "friend" I mean a true-blue, call in the middle of the night, take my 4 kids in a flash, type of person.

The thing that bothers me is this: I would do the above for any number of people, despite the "season" of our friendship.

I admit to being a bit naive. (My hubby knows this more than anyone and he knows how hurt, bruised and upset I get when I feel that I have been misjudged, misunderstood, or just plain picked on.) But in my "old" age, though I still have those ideals and a touch of naivete, I have accepted the fact that a lot of folk are just plain full of IT with no intention of giving....only getting.

People (myself included) get insulted when their ideas aren't taken or when a better idea is presented. We tend to surround ourselves with people who agree in the same way, and when they don't, often-times, it is a "deal-breaker" in the relationship.

Most have gone through the gaining and losing of friends. I hesitate to say "losing" friends as I think difficult times simply reveal the actuality of a friend. This was felt by many of my acquaintances last year when a large group of us, who had been "cyber-friends" for several years, suddenly had issues.

Issues to the point that we were split into "factions" (for lack of a better word.)

Remembering what went on truly revealed who the real friends were. And the ones who were true-blue, remain so today. I keep up with most of these ladies....and they keep up with me. We politely "ignore" each other until something nice needs to be said; then we just as politely respond with some nicety. Sad, huh? It remains to be seen whether these relationships will ever be salvaged and restored to what we once thought, and wanted, them to be.

I don't know why I decided to post this. I don't think it is one of the 4-5 annual "Girlfriends' Day"s, or "Hug a Bud" or whatever is going on. I just did.

So, a big shout out to my TRUE friends....and a friendly shout out to those who are simply friends out of season.

12 comments:

Ashley said...

"Friends are for a season." -- I like that! So true ...

Lesli said...

As I have grown older, I have realized that true friends are rare. The sad thing is that the people I consider my true friends are mostly from high school and four or five girls I worked with. Someone I thought I was good friends with stopped speaking to me over 9 year old baseball. Seriously! The best things about you, Ly, Cris, Jaci, Debra, etc. is that I can say something or do something completely stupid and you all will still love me. That is reversed too. I really can't think of anything any of you could do or say besides harm my family that would make me not want to be your friend. Anyway, loved the post.

Anonymous said...

i checked on your blog today.... fitting that this was the post!!! I can't help but think that I was led to it. I have absolutely found lately who my true friends are!

erica

BlackTieOptional said...

It's so funny that you should write this. I was just thinking yesterday of a friend who ...oh I'm not sure what exactly happened. But she was there for me and I for her for years and years. This friendship ended painfully. However there was no huge to-do. It just ended.

Now as I think of all you guys. I'm so grateful I went to that reunion because it brought back so many wonderful people into my life.

People I didn't know I even missed, but would be devasted to lose touch with again.

-T- said...

I hope I'm considered one of those TRUE friends as you know you could call me in the middle of the night and I'd take your kids in heart beat. I agree with you on how much it hurts when you think one of your friends is a TRUE BLUE and turns out not to be as it's happened to me too. LOVE YOU!!!

tollesons4him said...

What a heartfelt post! I have many friends but have 5 really close friends that I could really depend on. thanks for sharing

Alicia said...

Oh ~LL~ I am so with you on this. I totally get this post. I may know quite a few people but there are only a few that I can count who would truly be there for me in the end, ones that I could call up whenever. And you know some of these friends are family. To me there are no better friends than my family, and thats just my experience. I think many of us will admit that this post fits us, if we are all honest with ourselves, its just how life is...full of acquaintances with a small amount of TRUE friends. And this is why I married my BEST friend! Thanks for sharing your heart!

Miss Paula said...

Oh this touched a nerve or two!

I do think that some family members are good friends! Mrs. Rabe from Creekside Cottage in my SIL and a good friend. I believe Alicia is a good friend even though she is my DIL she is someone I confide in. I have one true friend and a new one in the works....(she is new to our church and is trying to fit in)

People think I have so many friends because I am friendly and talk to anyone, anywhere! But the truth is just one. But it's not like we spend every day on the phone or lots of time and we both do different things with others and we're okay with this. We are compatible and can laugh all the time. She makes sure I call the PT to get my back better.

I would say that some of the blogger friends are people I cherish. It is a God thing that most people on the "Friends I Visit" section are sister in the Lord!

But, I have had people come and go as the seasons do. I didn't handle any of this well. I didn't know how. My mom didn't teach by example she would rather clean her house. But now that I am older I know that my family and few friends are jewels that give me joy! Even you!! Thanks!!! I didn't mean to write a book...

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

I agree! I have had two different experiences, within the last 5 years, where 2 friends (both of whom I thought were my closest friends) just stopped all communication with me. One friendship was only a couple years old, and hurt, but I got over. Then other was a friend, my closest friend for almost 10 years. I still don't understand, and remain hurt. I have found, that my closest friends, now, are my family. My twin is, and has always been, my best friend.
I have to say, I was so hurt by these other relationships, I just keep the other friends at a distance. I will be there for them, but I am not counting on them being around - just in case.

Lisa said...

I guess that I am an out of season friend. I still hurt by loosing you guys as friends. I still wonder how all of you and the kids are doing. I don't know if there is any way to repair what was broken, but I know that you all still hold a special place in my heart.

~LL~ said...

Lisa...I appreciate your saying that. I honestly do. Like I said, though...."Friends are for a season." what is good about seasons is that they come and go....and come around again ;) Isn't that awesome?

I still keep up with you guys through your blog....guess that means, you worked your way into my heart, too =)

Kaira said...

I can really appreciate what you say here. I've got lots of friends but it seems I'm the friend that gets the drop offs and I don't get away with that myself. It's okay but I see it for what it is. My husband surely sees things in my friendships that perhaps I don't - oh well, ignorance is bliss.

cheers to the best of friends :)