I THINK I'LL GO TO AUSTRALIA!

OK...those of you who are teachers know that line. It's from "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day." A kid wakes with gum in his hair and his day just gets worse and worse. He wants to go to Australia to escape it all....he can go with me.

I love being a mom. More specifically, I love being a stay-at-home-mom to my 4 beautiful, healthy boys. But today has been one of those days! A day that I would like to send my children to the circus...except the circus would not have them.

Honestly, the problem isn't with my kids. The problem is my reaction to their actions. They are boys ages 7, 6, 3 and 1. There are some that would probably criticize me for how I handle them, but they can kiss my grits! So in honor of my desired trip to Australia (that will NEVER happen) I will just vent here.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, MY FRIENDS! Turn back now, if you don't want to join my pity party.

This morning (Saturday) dawned a bit cool, but sunny. I lazed around for a few minutes, then finally go around to go to WalMart. (That, in itself, is an adventure with 4...I could stop here, but where would the entertainment be?) We went to the bank to get $$ to pay for piano lessons for the month of March. (see how on-top of things I am?) Then we went to WM.

I had a short list of about 6 things. The 6 things became 8 when I was fitting DS #1 with soccer shoes. "These shoes are COOL, Mom! I've always wanted monster soccer shoes." I didn't even know they had them. They are black shoes with teeth. Hmmmm....I wonder if they make him run faster or kick the ball farther. Either way, my 2nd was convinced as he said that if his brother had monster soccer shoes, "shouldn't I have some, too?" That is a logic I can't argue. SO, as we fit #2 with shoes, my heart drops for the 5 seconds I can't find #3....who was down the aisle trying on shoes for himself. Shoes are always needed in our house, so I bought 3 pairs instead of 1.

It sounds harmless enough, but picture me pushing the basket while #1 and #2 were on either side trying to push each other down, using the basket with my 8 items and 2 younger children. So it began. We got into the FTU and the boys started fighting about goodness knows what.

We came home...all was OK. We ate lunch. Then came quiet time...and the time everything went to pot. My 2 younger children MUST REST! My 3rd can lie on the bed and watch a movie and be OK. My youngest MUST SLEEP for at least 2 hours. My older 2, for fighting in the FTU, were instructed to lie down until soccer practice. NOBODY RESTED! My 3rd came out TWICE, having pooped his pull-up. (Despite swats, he will NOT poop in the potty...I'm quite tired of wiping his big butt.) My 2nd kept asking "can I get up now?" And my 1st sat on the toilet reading for about 40 minutes. (Who knew those habits started out so young?)

At 2:20, I began the task of getting everyone shod so we could be at soccer practice at 3...a mere 10 minutes away. It took FORTY MINUTES to get this done. My oldest, despite my instruction, opened the front door. My younger 2, despite my warning, kept running outside. My 2nd complained that his white socks weren't as good as soccer socks (which are dirty, because my lazy butt hasn't done laundry in a good while.) AND, while cutting the tag of #1's shoes, I cut through a shoestring. I was IMMEDIATELY informed that new shoes MUST be purchased. Yeah right, kid! While dealing with all this, I must have gotten mean...my 2nd told me he wished I wasn't here right now. Can't get mad at him...I wish I wasn't here either...I think I'll go to Australia.

After practice (that was cold and windy) we came home. My 3rd refused to come in. So, I get him inside, kicking and screaming...literally...the child, not me. My younger 2 started to play chase. The noise was a bit much, but at least they were enjoying each other....until #3 slammed #4's hand in the door. As I rushed to his rescue and opened the door, I scraped the top of #3's foot. So we all sat in the hall kissing wounds and apologizing.

As we returned to our normal (it's shocking, isn't it?) day, my kids start getting upset about a paper mask that they had decorated and tried to fit with yarn. SO, I helped....and heard clanking. I turned and saw #3 and 4 climbing INTO the cabinets with glassware. I hollered over my shoulder. (I know....the model mother would never stoop to yelling. I know it defeats all purpose and teaches my children how NOT to behave, but please...I'm feeling pretty beat-up right now.) As I turn, I hear a crash. "STOP IT!! STOP STOP STOP!" I cry with my hands on my ears. My #2 said quite simply and quietly, "I don't like it when you do that." *sigh* I don't like it either, baby!

After that, my 2nd got up to corral the younger 2. Isn't that sweet? How wonderful that my 6 year old saw the need and responded. How sad that there was a need. I feel like a terrible mother. I feel as if I failed them today. I'm embarrassed and ashamed that my children are trying to talk me down. I'm upset that I got mad at my kids for acting like boys. :(

Tomorrow is another day....thank goodness. I'll get the kids down with a movie and regroup. I just found a bag of chocolate...that's always good, too. I think I'll put off my trip to Australia for another day.

Thanks for listening.