Tuesday, September 22, 2009

REGRETS

There is a question that pops around every now and again. It goes something like this:
"If you could change anything in your past, would you?"

And, almost always the answer sounds like this:

"Though there are regrets in my life, I would not change them because that is what has made me what I am today."

Hmmmm....really? I guess it depends on your life, your experiences and your regrets.

I have a few stupid things that I have done. I honestly don't see the bearing it had on my "here and now." That is hard to say, though. I mean, I am who I am, having had the experiences I have had. Most of my regrets have to do with suckin' a little toe jam off my beautiful toes. Would my life be any different had I not embarrassed myself? Had I not hurt some one's feelings? Certainly, there are SOME things that I could have said that would have changed my life. But, the things I regret? I'm not sure.

I wonder how many people live with regrets? I have some, but I don't really consider them life-long regrets. They are certainly something I think about...something that maybe I would change. They aren't anything that makes my life sad, but they are little things that I think could just help to make my life more full.

Let me explain. I was reviewing one of my past posts with some resolutions. Some I did well, and completely. Some, I did mostly and am still working on. Some...well, I did poorly, if at all. That stuff, I regret. I regret that I just couldn't seem to get my kimchee together. I don't know why. Some things were just not important enough, I guess. At some time, I apparently DID think they were important. I wonder, did my opinions change because God was telling me something? Or did I not do them because I tend to have a lazy streak? I don't know.

I do know this....I might be going to work this next year. If that is the case, I do not have a long time to get done stuff I want to get done. There are some things that I don't think I will be able to do, to the degree I want to, by the time next August rolls around.

Because of this, there are some new resolutions I want to put out there. I am not going to rehash some of the things that I didn't do. There is no need. Some of these things will be a repeat. I still need to lose that 10 pounds....I have lost 10 pounds....10 pounds plus. But, there is still some poundage that needs to go away.

I not only cut down on my Dr Pepper consumption, I cut it out completely. It still pains me to say that. I am sad....the Doctor was a good friend of mine. But, alas, God intervened.

I have cut down a little on the sugars....high fructose corn syrup have been cut out completely, but I have no issues with white flour, sugar and rice.

No, here are the things that I'm really wanting to happen before I am done being a SAHM.

I want to FINALLY get my house under control.

I want....no, I NEED to get my prayer life in better order.

I would like to get a bit healthier.....I won't mention the #, but I would like to take it off before I go back to the classroom.

I do regret some things I *didn't* do with the kids. Some, I didn't do because I got lazy, or ran out of time. Some, I just put off until I forgot. Now, I remember. And, I'm going to do them.

I realize you might want to know what I'm talking about. I'll list the things that are really on my mind. I know that in the whole scheme of things, these aren't huge deals, but they are to me.

One example, that I will rectify this Christmas break is the making of gingerbread cookies. Every since kindergarten, my oldest has asked me to help him make gingerbread cookies. The first year, I put it off because I was pregnant and had 3 kids AND I was teaching. The next year, it's hard because I now have 4 kids, all of whom want to help (except the 6 month old who just wants to be with us the whole time.) (Please know that I realize there are many mothers who are better and able to juggle all their kids AND the fun stuff, whether or not their hubby's are home to help. I am not that good.

Well, the NEXT year, I vowed to do it again. (In kindergarten, at our school, there is a unit on the Gingerbread Man...they follow him around, discovering bathrooms, offices and other things before finally finding him on their table as a snack.) I honestly don't know why I didn't do it then. Then, I forgot. Number 3 is in kinder now and I was reminded when he quoted the famous, "Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man."

This year, I WILL make those cookies with all my kids. And I hope to do it every year. I want to make that a tradition.

Another regret? Pictures. I go through phases on my picture taking. I have lot of pictures...all on my computer. I don't do albums. I don't really regret that, necessarily. But, I would like some of the pictures displayed, labelled, or something. I would also like to take pictures of more everyday things...not just the exciting stuff. I see people's pictures on facebook....pictures where the camera was just picked up for whatever reason and snapshots were taken.

I want to read to my children more. The excuse I will give is hard for some to understand. It is hard for me to understand sometimes....but I know exactly why and how it happens. When I start bedtimes, it is hard to make sure I go to everyone to read, sing, pray.....On the nights my hubby is home, it is certainly easier, but we get in a hurry....gotta make sure we get the exact bedtime, right? GRRR !

So, another goal is to sit down and talk, read, sing, pray with my kids every night. Usually it's a tuck in, a prayer, a kiss and goodnight. My oldest is 10. He doesn't need me to read to him. He loves to read and often goes to bed on his own to read before lights out. That is fine, but I still need to be in there for a portion of that time. I guess, instead of my goal being to sit and talk, the big goal should be to slow down and enjoy my kids. I get so caught up in bedtimes, practice times, homework times....I have trouble just being and enjoying. That is a drawback to my personality. :( It makes me sad.

My husband's grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few months ago. Well, the meds he is on hadn't fully kicked in or weren't tweaked...something. Anyway, he has been really irrational and a bit violent. So much so that we don't know if we will be able to take our children to see him....at least until he is in a long-term care facility. It was just a sad reminder of how quickly things change and the importance of family.

OK....I'm sad now and need to go to bed. Embrace every moment...especially with your children. God bless you all. I'll will be back soon.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

That is so sad about the Grandfather.

Honestly, I can only think of one big regret ... it was more of a mistake than anything, but like you say you grow from those too.