Tuesday, September 08, 2009

WORK


Simply stated, I don't want to.

It's not that I am lazy. I just don't want to GO to work.

The need is coming. I will stay home this year. Next year? I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen.

I understand our situation. I know what we need to do. I want to do my part to help my family....to help my husband. It isn't fair that he takes on the entire financial responsibility....and the stress that comes with it.

I feel like (after 4 years) that I'm JUST now getting the hang of housekeeping. Don't laugh. I'm GETTING the hang of it....I haven't GOTTEN the hang of it.

Also, we are just so busy. With my hubby gone 18 days a month, I have to get the kids everywhere they are going to go. I don't begrudge them that. And, I don't hold it against my hubby. He is doing a great job providing what we have and giving me the opportunity to stay home as long as I have. I often think (when feeling a time crunch) of how stressed I'd feel during TAKS testing, grading period and lesson plans. (And, yes, they all come at once at some point during the year.) I won't NOT let my kids play soccer or have music lessons because I'm tired.

When I was teaching, I didn't start my work until all the kids were down. I usually had 2-3 hours of work to do each night. (I am a middle school teacher.) I'm just extremely worried that I will be a bad teacher and an even crappier mother and housekeeper. What if my stress comes through in my mothering? What if I'm so tired that I don't want to spend time with my kids? What if they want me to do something with their class and I can't? What if I miss my kids too much?

So tomorrow, I will be going to the school to fill out the paperwork for subbing. I don't mind. It will be OK to go a few days a month. I wish it could be that way all the time. It just can't be. I have thought about trying to do a job share...perhaps for one year. First, I don't know if I would make enough money to do that. Secondly (and mostly), I would have to do a job share for kinder or 1st grade. EEEK! I don't want that age. Period. They won't do job share for middle school, due to the testing.

Let me clarify our situation. There are some things we need to pay down/off and other things we would like to do, as a family. We can't, if I don't work. If I don't work, we are stagnant. If I work, we start to pull ahead. We need to pull ahead.

So, there ya go. This isn't any surprise to my husband. We have talked about it. He knows how I feel. And, if things get better with the economy, I know he will keep me home as long as possible. I also know that if I do go back to work, he will do his best to get me home as soon as possible. He says he likes me to stay home. I enjoy trying to improve on my housekeeping, my cooking, my being a homemaker.

I pray that I will get more time in the near future.

7 comments:

Lisa said...

Good luck!

Reflections in My Mirror said...

It is a difficult battle being a mom and a working mom at that - but you and your husband will decide together and you know what - when you do that it usually is not as bad at you thought - things seem to work themselves out over time! Thanks for your encouragement!
Amy Q

LRFK said...

Well, if you do go back to work you need to hire a maid. I told my husband that when I go back the first thing I am doing is hiring a maid. When I am not at work, I don't want to be cleaning during that time.

l♥ving life as mommy and wife! said...

I have lots of opinions on this topic, most I will keep to myself! ;-) You have been SO blessed to be able to stay home! Its so hard to do now days!! But, being a teacher is thee best job when you have kiddos! You work nearly the same hours as when they are in school. I understand you wondering if you would bring those stresses into the home etc. Its just something you have to separate..which is SO hard!! Anyways, I really applaud you on thinking that its not fair for you hubby to be responsible for all financial things. I am the same way, I feel the need to bring a paycheck home, whether it is big or little..let me tell you, its little right now! I would LOVE to stay home, but working three days a week gets me outta the house and I feel like I am really contributing to our living.

Shay said...

Pray about it! God will let you know what he wants! Also- keep in mind, is the money that you will be bringing in worth the expense of getting you to work-feeding you at work-clothing you for work and any other expenses you may have by working. (more fast food? maybe you will hire a maid? babysitter? daycare? ec etc)
Good luck! =-) You have to do what's best for you and your family.

Mommy Spice said...

I know, I know, I know. I worried about all of those things...and I only have one child. I just remember how much teaching took out of me, and how little I had left of myself at the end of the day. My job is easy right now because I'm not back in the classroom full time yet. That comes in November or December. I'm taking it one day at a time. We had absolutely no choice....but so far, I'm really enjoying what I'm doing. I stressed over it for 2 years though.

Jerri said...

Hi. Sorry I haven't come by and commented in a while.

I just wanted to tell you that I totally understand where you're coming from. My husband has been the sole bread winner in our house since we've been married. When he have kids he wants me to be a stay at home mom, but at the same time we have debts and other things that would make that quite difficult.

He was actually laid off from his job a few months ago, and as you can imagine it's almost impossible for him to get a new job with the economy the way it is. However, we found an incredible business opportunity that we believe will help us pay off our debts and achieve our goals of financial freedom.

Our few weeks we made $1200, working on a part time basis, and my husband has a relative who shut down his granite business earlier this year to do what we're now doing.

If you're interested, you can send me an email (simplysweethome@hotmail.com) and I'll tell your more about it or there's a contact form to fill out over at my new business blog.

Good luck to you! =)