Monday, November 06, 2006

The Ultimate Chopper

I admit, I find infomercials fascinating. And if I'm not careful, I could easily be tempted to succumb to their seductive claims to tone, slim, melt, seal, burn, last, or in this case, chop my way to a better, more efficient, beautiful existence.

The Ultimate Chopper is a particular favorite of mine. The host is a mustached Chef-Boy-R-D look-alike convincing Jenni Lee and an auditorium full of naive, or perhaps, intellectually dead observers with the spiel that the Ultimate Chopper REALLY CAN replace a food processor, blender and coffee grinder.....all for the low price of $39.99

Now this is a really great price. You see, the Chef showed us a line-up of department store food processors that weren't even up to the 750 watts of the Ultimate Chopper. These ranged in price from $60 - $350. WOW! Can you beat that? Not with a stick!

I found out that junior could eat fresh, pureed peaches with "no lumps, no bumps."

I learned that I could grind coffee so fine that it would taste like "liquid velvet."

And, DID YOU KNOW that you can turn the everyday, run-of-the-mill, granulated sugar into powdered sugar? I was told that any baker NEEDED this product for just such an occasion. This will save the serious baker time and trouble when he or she realizes that the supply of confectioner's sugar has been depleted.

Chef made guacamole. (He added bleu cheese and yogurt, which gave me pause.) He was able to do this in seconds while Jenni Lee gained hands-on practice making "sowl-suh." {Please note that this native Texan has serious issue with these two any true Texan would.}

Chef "D" warned me not to blink as he chopped eggs for that perfect egg-salad.

Through "TV magic" the chef turned a handful of ingredients into a 5-star restaurant offering of the Denver omelet.

Jenni Lee, whose lips appear to have been attached upside down, REALLY enjoyed a pinkie full of homemade peanut butter. I was impressed that in a few short bursts of whirling energy, I could have nuts for cakes and desserts or have it blended smooth for a wonderfully fresh spread.

The three pieces are sturdy and guaranteed for life. In fact, they are so easy to clean that one simply has to submerge, swish and swirl in hot, sudsy water. Miraculously, the parts immerge as if new.

The testimonials regarding this remarkable product are really worth their weight in gold. One lady informed me that the machine was "quick, quiet and beautiful" as it is offered with 5 brilliant color choices to match any decor.

Another dedicated product user emphatically stated that she loved to cook, needed to cook and DOES cook. "NOTHING," said she, "compares," to the Ultimate Chopper.

Thankfully, there is so much more to this product...I can't even tell you. I will say this though; if you EVER need bits of concrete pulverised into powder, the Ultimate Chopper is the tool for you.


Mommy Spice said...

So the question is.... did you get one? How can you live without it? I'm sold.

claudemarie said...

hahahahahahahaha...I am laughing here....hee!

Mary W. said...

BAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH who knows ground concrete powder might come in handy some day.

claudemarie said...

sorry ll, I don't know any more bloggers:you are tagged

Anonymous said...

Ok so had to come and tell you that as I was visiting my grandma last weekend, I noticed this sitting on her kitchen counter! LOL.....I simply broke into giggles and thought of you!!

Erik D said...

Lol I'll stick to my vitamix!