Saturday, February 27, 2010


There are books.

There are seminars.

There are classes.

I will just share MY take on the Love Languages.

Did you know there are love languages? Do you know what they are? Do you know what yours is? Your spouse? Your kids? Well, check this out...

There are five, yep, FIVE Love Languages.

They are:

Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation

Just looking at that list you probably know what yours is.... and if you are female, there is a GOOD chance that you (and every other female reading this) know what your spouse's love language is. LOL!

I want to focus mostly on the kids... to be more specific, MY kids.

What is mine?

Gifts... my love language is gifts. I like to get things. This doesn't make me shallow or materialistic. I would just as soon get a new vacuum cleaner as a new blouse. I adore when my children draw a picture for me or pick a weed flower for my window sill.

My hubby is physical touch. That does not mean s-e-x. Always. He loves to hold my hand. Touch my foot with his while we watch TV.... loves when I pat his shoulder as I walk by.

The idea behind the love languages is that each person has a "love tank." Now, go ahead and giggle... get everything smutty and inappropriate out of your head because I'm not meaning it that way....

Done? Good

Every person has a love tank. And, just like a car needs fuel, your love tank needs to be refilled. It is difficult to always love and feel as though you are not being loved. But, think about it. Are you not being loved? Or are you just not being loved in the way you want/need? If you "refill" the love tank of those around you, you have a greater chance of having your love tank filled the way you need.

This goes for everyone: friends, parents, spouses, kids.... anyone. Sometimes it is easy to figure out the love language. Sometimes, it is a bit more difficult, especially if 2 of them overlap. For kids, it can be hard. In fact, it is too difficult to say during the first 3 years as all love languages are equally important to infants and toddlers. But, watch your kids... you should be able to figure it out.

On to my kids.

My oldest needs quality time and words of affirmation. Words hurt him deeply. If I say that I don't like how he is acting, he hears that I don't want him around. He loves to sit and read or play a game on the computer and have Mom or Dad there. He doesn't have to have us play with him, he just needs us close. So, we go on dates. Dad takes him to breakfast. We always tell him we are proud of him and that we love him... and, more importantly, that he cannot lose that love. Ever.

My 2nd is physical touch and acts of service. When he was younger, I would walk past his bedroom at night (just before he would fall asleep) and hear him smack his lips in a kiss-sound, asking for a goodnight kiss. He still requests being tucked into bed. As far as acts of service, I know this is one because he is quick to serve. I might say, "You need to get your own breakfast this morning." Before I know it, he has prepared breakfast for all 4 boys.

My 3rd is gifts and physical touch. He loves to snuggle. He loves those hugs. He also attaches to gifts. It doesn't have to be a big thing. But, if he gets something unexpectedly, it will be carted around for a long time. He will ask for it if he loses it.

My 4th is physical touch. He is VERY MUCH physical touch. He will come into bed, in the wee hours of the morning, and lift my shirt (not too far up) and lift his shirt, and touch belly to belly.... Or, he will lay his head on my belly. He holds my hand without prompting and will ask to be carried from room to room.

I have told people that I am not a mother of 4. I am 4 mothers to 4 different boys. I cannot treat them the same. That would be utterly unfair to them and it would not fill their tanks. They could not be truly happy.

So, what is your love language? I would love to know. If you are not sure, try this test....



Unknown said...

Is it possible that all 5 are mine?

~LL~ said...

Lisa... did you take the test? Yes... it is possible to be pretty evenly split between them. :)

Alicia @ said...

Oh I love this post LL!! Its so true about your husband and then with you kids. Its amazing how we all feel love in different ways..I took this test a while ago, but I am gonna take it again!!

Alicia @ said...

Affirmation and Quality time are mine!