Friday, September 17, 2010


A few nights ago, I went to play Pokeno with some girls.... and a dude.

Now, before I go on, I want it known to all that I have no personal issue with "this dude." I really don't.

However, there were a few parts of this night that were just flat-out inappropriate.

He is a long-time friend of the hostess and another gal that was there. There were a total of 9 people..... 8 women (all married) and "this dude," who is unmarried.

First off, the evening was a bit awkward, and usually it is not. We girls could not act as we normally would because we were in mixed company. During the evening, it was brought up that "this dude" gives good neck rubs. That being said, after each break, "this dude" got up to "treat" the gals with a quick shoulder rub.

Stop right there.


This guy was rubbing the necks and shoulders of these married women.... women he was JUST meeting.

This is where the title of my post comes into play....


The hostess' hubby came in at the end of the evening. I don't think he was happy with the fact that a) "this dude" was attending a girls' night and b) "this dude" was pawing after the ladies.

The whole time I was thinking "WWHD?" (Remember? "What would hubby do?") OR, better yet, what would I do if the situation was reversed?

If my hubby went to play poker with the guys, would I want another girl rubbin' on him? NO! Further, I wouldn't even want another gal there! Keep in mind, I'm not really the jealous type. Wait... I'm totally the jealous type, but within reason. I don't mind when hubby talks to other girls. I have some good friends who will hug hubby upon greeting. I don't mind that either. But, a neck rub? A back rub? NO WAY!!! That action, in and of itself, it too intimate to be passed around with abandon.

Am I against paying for massages? No.... I'm not. That is different. There is a mental separation that exists between therapist and client. Just like I don't think it is a problem for a woman to see a male OB/GYN. Just because I let him check out all my biz doesn't mean that there is any type of emotional event taking place.

But, in this setting, any type of rubbing or massaging is just not right. I felt a heavy conviction in my spirit. Honestly, it wasn't against "this dude" being there. It was just bad timing for him to be there. Had it been a dinner party with other guys, it would have been different.

Well, we finally got to my turn for the shoulder rub. I told him, "No thanks." It felt wrong. It looked wrong. It WAS wrong.


Here are some things that should be considered.

~ If the roles were reversed, how would you feel? I knew that if a gal rubbed on my hubby, I would have a problem with it.

~ What would have happened had hubby been there? I do not honestly feel, had all the spouses been there, that "this dude" would have commenced pawing at all the women. I mean, isn't there some sort of code with the guys saying that a man shouldn't rub on another man's honey?



Just be considerate. This has nothing to do with cheating. It is mostly appearance. And yes, appearances DO matter. I would not do anything to deliberately hurt my hubby, or put my marriage into jeopardy. When I go out on a girls' night, I want my hubby to trust me. It is important to me that I have his trust.

Some might claim that you just never know how you will react until you are in that situation. On one hand, that might be true if you are just absolutely clueless to human nature. On the other hand? That is a crock of BS! It is an absolute cop out! You get pulled over for a hit-and-run and you say, "Officer, I didn't know what to do when faced with the situation. I always thought I would stop, but man... just kinda lost my brain there for a bit. Sorry." Really? Oh my word!

You make the decision NOW to preserve and protect the sanctity of your relationship.

So.... there ya go.


Laurel Santiago said...

What an awkward situation. Massages are too up close and personal.

Mommy Spice said...

Yep, that's weird! You bring up very good points. Instead of thinking, "Ooooh, I could really use a neck rub right now...," You really do have to think about the situation reversed.

I was invited to a massage party.... (fully clothed)

A girl-friend of mine is starting a business. The ladies are all getting together for a GIRLS night, and she's doing promo massages. Not sure if I'm going, cuz now I'm all creeped out. LOL!

~LL~ said...

Mommy Spice.... BAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

Gaby Fuentes said...

You were right to pass on the neck rub. I agree with you that just having him there in the first place was a little strange, but then for him to start offering neck rubs, that's completely inappropriate. I think that thinking about reversing the situation is a very good way of seeing if something you do will hurt your spouse or think about how he would feel if he walked in when "the dude" was giving you a neck rub.

To Mommy Spice, your situation is different. She is a professional massage therapist and has been trained and that is how she is representing herself for this party. In other words, you know exactly why she is there.

Lisa@BlessedwithGrace said...

Oh my! I would have been so uncomfortable, too! Are you close enough with these ladies to tell them no more "dudes" at the pokeno night! especially if giving massages. Good for you for honoring and respecting your husband enough to excuse yourself from the massage.
I totally agree, I would be VERY unhappy if the situation was reversed at the guys poker night!
Great post!

Anonymous said...

"Some might claim that you just never know how you will react until you are in that situation."

From experience, I say that you do know exactly what you are doing and what you are getting into! It is the rush, the thrill and you forget everyone around you and just think of your ugly self.

Your post is great and your response is full of integrity! This is why LL I trust you and enlisted your help!!

To all who are even thinking of going to the limit or the edge, don't do it! You will do yourself a big favor and will not hurt your spouse! Gaining trust will take a long time... Love your husband!