EMOTIONS

So DH came across a set of questions that was to determine your personal level of anger. DH proudly stated that he was "normal" and laughed at approximately 1/3 of the questions he asked me. My rating? "Run to a psychologist as quickly as possible...you have anger management issues."

Anyway, as he read the questions, and I answered "true" to about 70% of the questions, I figured he would say that the test said I was depressed. But NOOOOOOO, I'm ANGRY! So now, instead of others walking on eggshells around me because I might crack, they walk on eggshells because I might explode.

BOOM!!!

My hubby seriously jokes...you know those, don't you? Comments that are veiled in humor and dripping in truth? I would say something to the kids and dh would grin (in his sarcastic way) and say "Are you angry?" chuckle, chuckle. Either way, I don't know how to respond...I'm either in denial, or proving his point, right?

Well, last night was one of THE WORST mommy moments of my life. My oldest son, at the tender age of 8, accidentally spilled something. I told him to pick up the cup. In my defense (shaky as it is) he did not instantly obey...which is rule number 1 in school and we are trying to keep that in the house. When he didn't, I lost it. I kept yelling at him. I jumped up to get a towel, came back and my son had been completely defeated. I have never seen him crushed so harshly. He was sobbing.

God INSTANTLY convicted me. I have never had my words ricochet and hurt me to the core, as those did. I didn't curse. I didn't swear. I didn't call him names. It was all in my tone. The volume and force of my voice, pushed my child...the one I would kill for, AND die for...to tears. :(

I was/am heartbroken. I took him to his room to talk. I told him that I had messed up and should not have yelled. I told him that I knew it was an accident. I asked him to forgive me...he did. I hugged him and gave him a kiss and told him, "I love you." And I still feel terrible.

Last night saw more than his tears....there were a lot of mine. The guilt I felt, and still feel, is sharp. I thought I was over it until a friend said I was a "good mom" for making the breakfasts I do. I laughed and confessed my shortcomings. I fought back more tears.

My son is in school right now. I pray that children are as resilient as people say. I pray that he forgives AND forgets. I pray that I haven't scarred him. I pray that his memories are NOT of Mom yelling and losing control, but of Mom loving and spending quality time with him. Above all, I pray that I DON'T forget and learn how to deal with my obvious anger issues.

GOD HELP ME!!!

Another Meme

I was tagged for another meme by Make you work more. Here are the rules:

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog


Mine is easy: ANN

A - analytical (think about the first 4 letters....that is me.)

N - nice...I guess. I mean, I'm nice to most folk. :D

N - nerdy

Ok....tagged: Mischief Managed, Seven 4 Heaven and Absolutely His.

Try this....

My computer is FRIED. POOR ME!

Anyway, I know my dear, dedicated readers, that you are aching for me to post. Since my poor desktop's passing, I have been limited to the time I have. I hope to be able to fix that very problem by the end of the weekend. At that point, I shall be able to share my thoughts, ideas and rantings in the fashion you have come to expect.

Please excuse my tardiness and come back soon.

I Scored a 100%!

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

My friend, Mommy Spice tagged me for this meme. I need to answer these questions about myself with one word only.


Yourself: insecure

Your partner: soulmate

Your hair: blond

Your mother: sad

Your father: awesome

Your favorite item: cookbook

Your dream last night: uh....

Your favorite drink: DP

Your dream car: large

Dream home: clean

The room you are in: family

Your fear: tornadoes

What you are great at: friendship

Where you want to be in 10 years: alive

Who you hung out with last night: boys

You're not: extroverted

One of your wish list items: kitchen

The last thing you did: doctor (heh...THAT sounds bad, huh)

You are wearing: shorts

Your favorite weather: cold

Your favorite book: Bible

Last thing you ate: hamburger

Your life: blessed

Your mood: anxious

Your best friend: Jesus

What are you thinking about right now: asthma

Your car: FTU

What are you doing at the moment: typing

Relationship status: married

What is on your t.v: nothing

When is the last time you laughed: yesterday

OK...time to tag some others: Mischief Managed, justdawn, Seven 4 Heaven, and Mom's my name.

How many sleeps?

So, last time we talked about this, we were a mere eight months away. It ain't long, folks! I posted on April 25th...with URGENCY...the need to start thinking about Christmas. You can read about it here. Well, guess what? Almost FOUR MONTHS have passed! Have you been keeping up? Are you getting ready? How many sleeps before Christmas?

It really is a family joke...a serious one, but still, something my hubby and I laugh about. He teases me about my passion for the holidays. And I don't mind because I know that HE knows that I'm truly serious about it all.

It usually goes something like this (and it generally starts in June.) Picture this...we are in bed. (Stop right there. Don't imagine anything. It does not matter what we are...or are not...wearing. The point I'm trying to make is that my hubby is usually asleep...or close to.) I roll over to face him and usually, I just grin. When he feels my intense stare, he looks up and says, "WHAT?!" I continue to grin and say, "Honey? It's June." Then, he knows. He knows exactly where I'm going with the opener. He knows that I'm going to tell him that Christmas is ONLY 6 months away. He knows I'm going to reach for my pad of paper and a pen and start to jot down gift ideas, or a card list or menu ideas.

And honestly, I am not being silly....I really do all of that. And though my sweet hubby rolls his eyes, says "Oh my gosh" and tries to roll over to sleep, he knows that all the squeaking he hears would be from the wheels turning in my wee brain. He knows that the smell of smoke is just a by-product of all the activity in my noggin, AND if he is lucky, the inhalation will lead to a quick and peaceful time of unconsciousness.

We must get real, folks. It is no longer June. We have only 4 months and a few days to get ready for THE day. Well...not get ready...but to celebrate. You only have about 3.5 months to actually get DONE being ready.

Stick with me and I will walk you through the holidays relatively unscathed, going crazy over what to get whom, what and when to bake, possible menu items and the whole insanity which is the holiday season.

Your homework...and this should be done by September...is to choose and order your Christmas cards. I have. :D If you order through Walter Drake by September 5, you get FREE personalization on your envelopes.

WOOHOO!!!!

GET BUSY!!!

I'M OFF!

Just a quick note....

If either one of you miss me, I am going on a small vacation. I'll post this weekend.

Pray for me....with 1 hubby and 4 kids 8 and under...well, it'll be interesting, but fun.

Have a great week!

Psycho...I mean PsyCHIC

OK...I'm not one to watch a lot of talk shows. Every now and then, I might watch Dr. Phil, but those times are few and far between. I REALLY don't like Oprah and anything besides those two are just trash. (I'm sorry to offend anyone, but please...don't you have underwear to fold?)

Well, I was flipping through all 12 of my channels (LOL...really, only 12. Nope, we don't have a TV with a channel dial, but I don't have cable, dish or anything else fancy and can ONLY get 12 channels through my antennae...of course, if I were Mexican and if I could "hablo espanol" I could get another 12 or so...but I digress.) ANYWAY, while skating through my 12 channels, I saw a book flash on the screen about psychic children. The author? Sylvia Brown. Now, if you are worth ANY Christian salt at all, you know this woman is PURE EVIL!

I watched for about 4 minutes. Montel was promoting her book and excitedly showing off this spiritual freak to anyone insecure enough to need assistance. These people had "ghosts" in there homes. Their houses were "haunted." They wanted info on "spirit guides." It all came back to, "Children see more than we can...you should encourage their psychic abilities, should they start to exhibit them."

This statement gave me chills. Not only is she going to hell, but she is telling these TRULY CONCERNED parents that it is OK what they are seeing and hearing. She said, "There are no evil spirits, just evil people." WHAT?

She said that if you want to get rid of the spirits in your home, you should call them by name and tell them to go. You are to remind them that they are dead and ask them to "go home to God." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

When it came to one dead person that happened to be terrifying a 2 year old child, the mom was told to tell "Jeffery to go back to the 'Christ consciousness.'" I have no retort...I am still stunned about that one.

I am like the cowardly lion on The Wizard of Oz: "I do believe in spooks! I DO believe in spooks! I do, I do, I DO believe in spooks!"

OK...not quite in that manner, but I do believe there are evil spirits. I do believe they can haunt a home and a person. I believe they can cause harm, whether directly or indirectly. The only difference is this: instead of trying to figure out who (because I KNOW who) is behind all of the vile events happening in the neighborhood, and asking them to "please go to God...you are dead." I will remind this EVIL SPIRIT that it IS from the pit and that it is CAST OUT of my home in the name of JESUS CHRIST and cannot approach my family, nor my home, ever again.

All believers out there need to hit your knees and start praying the blood over your families, especially your children. We are at war! BRING IT ON!!!!