DOWNLOAD

OK. I'm sure this isn't going to be all that interesting. It is more of a download (as my pastor puts it.) I'm just going to dump what has been going on. For a few of you, this will shed some light as to what is going on. Some of you won't care. Some of you will laugh at my psychotic self. Whatever. I just feel I owe it to SOME to KIND OF explain what is happening.

I have had my temper tantrum and other issues because of several things that started happening all at once. And though I love to ACT and THINK like Superwoman, there really is only one word the "S" on my chest stands for...and it ain't "super."

To the outsider looking in, it is no big deal. To me, it is/was huge. To my hubby, he is just glad things are starting to settle a bit. I know I'm driving him crazy. To Mommy Spice, you will totally understand. In fact, it is out of respect for Mommy Spice that I couldn't download sooner. I couldn't "spill the beans" until SHE was allowed to "spill the beans." And that took SO LONG, but my writing here has been a bit therapeutic.

Anyway, if you will look in the column to the right and click on Hunanspice, then read the entry from Saturday, the 22nd, you will see her entry. But, I can give you the Cliff's Notes here. Of course, this will be a skewed, totally selfish point of view.

OK, in a nutshell (of a very large nut).....

My children's pastor is leaving. By children's pastor, I not only mean the pastor for my own children, but the pastor over the children's department of my church. Now what does that mean for me? I DON'T KNOW!!! And that is what is driving me bonkers! (I will warn you now, this post will be selfish and totally about me, so if you want to know how Mommy Spice is feeling, you will have to look at her blog.)

So what I was saying is that my "boss" is leaving. He has been at our church for about 3 years, I guess. He is SO good and his wife is a peach. I just love them both SO MUCH! About two months ago, I had gone in for a meeting (as I did about once a month to touch base and tell him what was going on.) Hmmmmmm.....maybe I need to set that up a bit better. I'm the Director of Christian Education for our church. (Fancy title, huh?) Simply put, I help "manage" our Sunday school department for kinder - 6th grade. I make sure the teachers are in place, have all their supplies, talk with the cherubs who are a little rambunctious, and pray with the teachers should the need arise. Now, I'm honestly not looking for any kudos when I say that I feel inept at a lot of this. It just sets the mood.

I go in for a meeting and, looking back, I know Daddy Spice was going to tell me then, what was going on. However, I was having one of my moments with stress and scheduling stuff. I was dealing with the logistics of getting everything done the way it should be done. And as a good pastor, he listened, offered advice...he even rolled his eyes at me, but I'm not bitter. (heh....that's kind of an inside joke) He never said a word about what was going on with himself. How selfish is that of me? I didn't even ask. (Sadly, that personality trait follows me everywhere.)

So fast forward a few weeks, I go in for another pow-wow...only my dh gets to attend. We talk a bit about what is going on: what I need, what I'm planning...you know, feeling really good about myself...a bit cocky in my post. So then, the bomb drops. He says that he is being "reassigned" (for lack of a better word) and will be leaving our church at the end of September. I told him, "Man, that really blows." YES...I KNOW...I told my pastor that. But it does. (Now, for a bit of trivia, my dh swears that I said "damn." I say I didn't. I haven't been able to guts it up to ask Daddy Spice, so I'll have to ask Mommy Spice to leave a comment when she finds out.)

The whole time (and admittedly to the present) I have been asking, "What about me?" I know...it's not the best thing to ask. It's not empathetic. I'm sorry, but I'm all a-tizzy over it all. Though I know how to do what I've been doing, there was a certain amount of "got your back" that I enjoyed from having him around. AND, I have been getting to know his sweet wife. You know, you get to the point where you think, "AWWWWW, I have a buddy!" Well, now they are leaving! *sniff* When he first told me, devastated was a fairly decent word to describe my feeling. As a matter of fact, most of the directors of the various departments just walked around looking at each other with looks of sadness and uncertainty in their eyes.

BUT, I'm happy to say that I'm doing better and feeling better about it all. I put myself up as a prayer request in my small group this past Sunday. I told them that I didn't know how to do all this without my pastor here. I feel better because (and granted, I knew all this before, just have to keep repeating it) GOD IS IN CONTROL. And hard as it is for me to admit, I DO need to BUTT-OUT!!!

TEMPER TANTRUM

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!

Let me describe the scene. I am saying this with an emphasis on the last "crap." My fists are clenched and the tension can be followed up my arms into my shoulders and neck. I have thrown in a foot stomp just to prove my point. I'm not crying, but I don't look very good. And I don't care who knows it.

The thing that REALLY bothers me is that I can't really blog about what is going on. I can just allude to what is happening and trust that you, my discerning reader, will be able to "feel" my frustration. In fact, I can think of 3, possibly 4, readers only, who will know what is going on. In fact, after this, I wouldn't be surprised if one reader's DH calls me for an "AA" meeting. (attitude adjustment)

I have been praying, lately, about what I need to do to "grow" in the Lord. Those of you who don't understand my meaning or desire...well, you need serious prayer yourself...give me a call. Anyway, God has told me, and it has been confirmed, that I need to "butt-out." It seems that, though I have faith in what God CAN do, I have trouble accepting what He WILL do through me. Because of that, this little bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, go-getter is really messin' with HIS plans. So, I have been lovingly told to sit tight and wait to be told to move. When He says "jump," I should ask, "How high?" What do I usually say? "God? Let me go over here and jump...then my landing will be softer."

CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! (repeat opening scene)

I read in the Bible about those who struggled in their walks. They overcame great, almost insurmountable, obstacles. They had the faith to move mountains. I have faith to CLIMB mountains...provided I have the right shoes and a bottle of water. That is totally jacked up! In the back of my pea-sized (largely left-sided) brain, I feel that I don't have what it takes to be a warrior for the fight. And what is worse? Today, I don't want to!

I have promised to stick around for a bit. Though there are MANY who could do a much better job than I, I know that it would make it harder on the whole to take the time to find the right fit. I feel beat up. I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I want out! I don't know how much more I can take. (I realize that 95% of you have NO clue what I'm talking about...but it's my blog...I can make sense, OR NOT, as I want.)

I have a feeling that my 2 Dr Pepper a day habit is on the rise. Y'all might want to invest in DP stock soon.

MY WORLD IS COLLAPSING!!!

I hate to alarm anyone. I am fairly alarmed, myself.

RIGHT before my eyes, while I've been doing my "work." (OK...not work, but reachin' out and touchin' my peeps) Well, anyway, before my very eyes things are changing.

BLOGGER has changed! My comments section looks different. My "new post" screen is different.

To make matters worse, my yahoo mail screen has changed.

I DON'T DO CHANGE! I DON'T! I DON'T! I DON'T!

I need to go now and just breathe....my heart is racing. (Slightly, but there is a definite increase in speed.)

EEEEEEK! Sadly, some of you are chuckling....and probably only my DH and possibly Mrs. T, know that I'm serious about this.

I am going now into my room...my sheets are the same as last night. I haven't repainted. I won't even put anything away. Hopefully, it'll be EXACTLY the same when I wake up.

*sigh*...I don't even know how to load a picture. Mommy Spice? Mischief Managed? Claudia? HELP?!?! (That should mimic, somewhat, the Wicked Witch of the West's cry that she's "meeeelting!"

A BIT LATE....OR AM I EARLY?

I am working on spring cleaning. THAT'S RIGHT!!! I AM!!!

Here in North Texas, spring brings many things that make it difficult, unpleasant, or just flat undesirable to do the stereo-typical "spring cleaning." It is often windy, wet, tornadoes around, storms, hot...makes it difficult to go out and beat rugs and wash windows.

I have read a book that says that spring cleaning came from back in the day when people had to "hole up" for the winter. Soot from the wood stove, lanterns and candles would coat everything. The house had to be aired out. Windows were so grimy, they couldn't be seen out of. So, along with the first tiny plants pushing through the cold hard ground, came airing out feather beds, beating rugs, hanging out laundry and all the other fun stuff that comes with housekeeping.

We are fortunate here in that winter doesn't always drive us in. Sure, we have an ice storm or 3 that keeps us in doors for a day or so, but really, we can still get out when we must. We don't have to wait to dry out or warm up. We can do what we want, when we want (heh...as long as tornado sirens aren't blowing.)

SO, I feel the need to clean. I'm a bit more motivated to get into the dark recesses of my home that are often neglected and used as a catch-all. (In fact, I only do this during this time of year because if I do it when it starts to get really warm...well, I don't want to suffocate.)

You might think that I'm six-months behind on my spring cleaning. I like to look at it that I'm six-months early...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!

PROUD, AND PROUD OF IT

BUT, I probably need the chip knocked off my shoulder.

I'm not saying that's a good thing. My problem, really, is that I don't think anyone will do it right. What is "it?" Anything, really. Sadly, another one of my issues is that when someone realizes one of my own deficiencies, I am personally (and secretly) upset.

Now, for some STRANGE reason, I'm going to continue typing and prove this all to you. LOL!! Some of these examples may not be exact events that have taken place in my life, but if they are, they will be accurate. If they are fictional, I know it is how I would handle, or consider them.

When I go to a potluck, I enjoy all the different foods. BUT, if someone pays particular attention to someone elses dish and talks about how good it is. I feel the need to share my recipe of said dish...even if I have never made it.

When I am a good friend with someone and only invited TO the wedding...and not invited to participate in...I wonder why. I'm a good friend....RIGHT? (Don't answer that, Mrs. L!)

I joined PTO board last year, because I had time on my hands and nothing better to do. WHATEVER!!! I did it because it was a way to get my nose into peoples bee's wax and be "important." Truth be told, I was stretched too thin with all the other stuff I do and have (just yesterday, as a matter of fact) resigned from the board.

I see a flute player on the worship team and I think, "They should have asked me to play. I'm GOOD!" Well, I'm stupid. I WAS good....15 years ago. And, I have to try out to be on the worship team. In my defense, I could probably make it...I can sing and I CAN play the flute, but I'm not as good as I used to be.

When I see that a good friend of mine has written about their best friend, I expect to see my picture pop up or hear some reference to me.

When people self-proclaim that they are OCD, I am sure to tell them, and anyone around, that I am soooo organized...just don't look in my closets, purse, FTUs, notebook, pantry, cabinets, vanity...any of that.

So is it pride? Is it arrogance? Am I misguided? I don't know. I certainly have an inflated sense of self. I can't believe I have put it out there. Some of my readers (heh....all 2 of them) I see occasionally. This is quite embarrassing. But, there it is. Inflated ego. Just like a big ol' honkin' balloon. Make sure I'm close to the ground when you pop it.

A WHOLE "NOTHER" MEME

OK....thanks Absolutely His...I yanked your idea. Anyone else want to do this, please do.

Name: ~LL~
Birthday: February 2
Birthplace: Odessa
Current Location: Texas
Eye Color: Hazel
Hair Color: Blonde
Height: 5'6"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: German
The Shoes You Wore Today: barefoot, so far
Your Weakness: can't say "no"
Your Fears: Heights, tornadoes, dentists
Your Perfect Pizza:Pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: get my closets cleaned out, purge the clutter, mainstream my housekeeping
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I don't know
Thoughts First Waking Up: What day is it?
Your Best Physical Feature: Probably my smile
Your Bedtime: between 10:30-12:00
Your Most Missed Memory: Ummmm...I don't know how to answer this
Pepsi or Coke: Whatever....DUBLIN DR PEPPER
McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: since they mostly involve my 4 boys...I guess group dates
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Luzianne
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Dr Pepper
Do you Smoke: No
Do you Swear: it slips sometimes
Do you Sing: yes...and pretty good
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: still am
Do you want to go to College: would love to get my PhD some day
Do you want to get Married: I have been married for 16 years
Do you believe in yourself: Sometimes.
Do you get Motion Sickness: OH, YES!
Do you think you are Attractive: Sometimes
Are you a Health Freak: No
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:Yes!!!!!!
Do you play an Instrument: I can play piano, flute and piccolo
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes
In the past month have you Smoked: No
In the past month have you been on Drugs: No
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: A box? Chocolate covered oreos, you mean? Nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: BLECH! No
In the past month have you been on Stage: No
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No
Ever been Drunk: Yes
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: Physically, no; verbally, yes
Ever Shoplifted: No
How do you want to Die: I don't intend to die
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I don't intend to grow up :D
What country would you most like to Visit: Germany or Austria

In a Boy/Girl..
Favorite Eye Color: brown
Favorite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long Hair: Short
Height: 5' 9"

Best Clothing Style: fits
Number of illegal drugs I have taken: None
Number of CDs I own: I haven't the foggiest idea
Number of Piercings: three in each ear
Number of Tattoos: None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Some, but not many

ACCOUNTABILITY

As a Christian parent, I had always hoped that Jesus would return before my kids reached the age of accountability. However, one can't just wait and hope....'cause what if it doesn't happen soon enough?

I have been raising my children "in the way that they should go" for as long as I've had them. We pray. We teach them to pray. We take them to church. We talk about the importance of having Jesus in their hearts.

He knows.

My oldest is "there" in understanding. He woke up "accountable." I don't mean woke up in the literal sense, but the light came on.

He knows.

He went around meeting a lot of family members at the latest family reunion. There were a few aunts and uncles who had passed away before he had met them. Instead of going to the next person for an introduction, he asked "Did they have Jesus in their hearts?"

He knows.

He has decided to be water baptized. We have talked about it and the importance of it, but have never pushed him...as it is a decision he needed to come to on his own. When they announced the next opportunity, he told me "I should do that."

He knows.

He knows that he is being obedient.

He knows that he is following the example of Christ, Himself.

He knows that he is going to Heaven.

He knows that he has Jesus in his heart.

He knows that we are very proud of him.